Resurrected Willpower

Ugh...gotta get back on plan today...maybe I'll have a piece of that lemon blueberry marscapone first, THEN I'll get back on track.


*small voice* I don't think you really want to do that


Willpower? Is that you?


Yes. I'm back, but still weak. It'll take a while for me to regain my strength.


Yay! I'm sorry about killing you off!


I forgive you. Now let's get you to Comicon 2013!


I was reading in Galatians yesterday and came across the part about the fruits of the spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and SELF-CONTROL. Now, I won't claim to be perfect in the other ones. Anyone who has been in the car while I'm driving can attest to my lack of patience in that circumstance. However, with this lifestyle change I've been working on, self-control has been at the front of my mind.

Call it what you like. Willpower. Self-control. Whatever. Even if you're not a Christian, this is a good characteristic to have. The ability to say "no" is vital to survival. Whether it's refusing to do drugs, drink too much at a party, do that extra errand when you're feeling like butter scraped over too much bread, or denying that buttery bread, you will not be in good mental or physical health without it.

So often, people think of God's commands as only for Him. However, He LOVES us. Those things He asks for us to do and be will benefit us. Look at the list of the fruits of the spirit. What if everyone in the world embraced those things? Think about how good things would be! I'm just sayin'.

May the fourth be with you!

Remembering Nathaniel

On this day in 2009, I lost my unborn baby, who I named Nathaniel (gift from God) after the loss.

Unless you have experienced a miscarriage, there is no way to comprehend the loss. It's not only a loss of a precious little life, but of the potential life he or she had in front of him or her. First steps, first day of school, graduation, wedding, watching him or her become a parent. I will never experience those things with Nathaniel. Never.

I remember him on this day every year. It was how I was able to pull myself out of the funk the loss pulled me into. I promised myself one day a year to mourn him. Not that I don't remember him the rest of the year, but this day, I allow myself to grieve.

To all those out there who have experienced a similar loss, I know what you're going through. You probably won't ever forget your little one, but life will get easier to live as time passes. I remember you and keep you in my prayers today.

Taking a break from my diet and exercising today. Will get back on again tomorrow.

Success!

Today I went the whole day without sweets! It's the first day I've followed through with my no sweets rule and I feel awesome about it. I have now been several days without pop (though I admit to having a sip with some pain relievers tonight) and I am quite pleased with that too.

Next month, I am getting a root canal, fillings, and my final 3 wisdom teeth removed. Today, the tooth the root canal will be performed on started aching badly. Everything I eat hurts. The procedure won't be done until the 6th of February, so hopefully I can last that long.

Aside from that, things are going well here in Wisconsin. Not much to do, but Bear and I are keeping each other good company during the day. She's started walking and she's gibbering even more than before. I love her so much.

Tomorrow, I plan to continue doing well with my eating and kicking my own butt working out.

May the fourth be with you!

Weigh-In 1/21/2012

Through all my failures this week eating-wise, I still pulled a significant loss! This week, I weighed in at 192.4, meaning I lost 3.2 lbs this week.

Changing my eating lifestyle is certainly not easy. I wasn't raised to know that I should stop eating when I feel satisfied. In our culture, just about every social gathering consists of gluttonous indulgence which I've gladly consumed every time for my entire life. Sure, yesterday I decided to no longer eat desserts and today, I decided to cut out soda too, but I don't have a switch that I can flick down to shut off my desire for those things. It would make life SO much easier if I could, though...

I am extremely happy with my loss. I kicked my butt hard this week with my workouts and this is a massive encouragement to do the same this week. Comicon 2013, here I come!

May the fourth be with you!

It Can't Be Too Bad

"It can't be too bad"

Dangerous words.

VERY dangerous words.

I did super good today with my eating choices. Had oatmeal for breakfast and a salad for lunch. I drank more than enough liquids for the day. I even ordered a meal from Applebee's that was 500 calories. I worked out and killed nearly 550 calories in doing so and I still had some food calories left for the day, so I figured having a dessert couldn't be TOO bad.

FYI: if you say that to yourself, it probably is.

I ordered a Maple Butter Blondie.

It was 1100 calories.

So I shed some tears when we got back to the hotel room, thinking and telling Nick how much I hated myself for my lack of self-control. He said "just don't eat cake anymore." And I agreed it was a good plan.

However, I think my sweet-tooth issue is worse than that. Cookies, candies, brownies, donuts, muffins, tarts, and, my favorite, cake. Those temptations are horrible little boogers.

I know a lot of diets say to indulge a little every once in a while, but I just don't think that mindset is working for me. I indulge too much and I have difficulties saying "no" if I allow it ever.

The first time I was able to get down to 160, when I was in Master's Commission, I had cut soda and all sweets from my diet. I think I'm going to cut sweets again. At least until I hit my ultimate goal. Then I'll start reintroducing them slowly. If I just say "no" to it all, I won't have to worry about "it can't be too bad" because it won't even be an option.

May the fourth be with you!

Exercise-Diet=Absolutely Pointless

So I've been back on the exercise train for some time now. I've been kicking my butt everyday for weeks and have had gains for 3 weeks in a row. Why?

Exercise-Diet=Absolutely Pointless

Seriously. At best, it will limit your gain or help you maintain. However, if the goal is weight loss, not watching what you eat simply nullifies the exercise put in.

I've been trying harder with the food this week. Granted, I haven't been awesome, but I haven't been as bad as I have been lately. I'm hoping for a loss this week, but right now losses don't even feel real...don't get me wrong. I'll be glad for losses, but I won't feel like I'm really making progress toward my ultimate goal until I get back down to 181 again (the lowest point on this WLJ).

May The Fourth Be With You!

Snacks+TV=Disaster

I generally don't have a massive appetite at meals.

Why?

I'll tell you in the form of a formula: Snacks+TV=Disaster

I've been trying to spot weaknesses in my eating habits as I kickstart healthy eating again and this is one I've discovered. Frankly, I haven't had much time to sit and watch TV back home, so it really wasn't much of an issue there. However, when the TV is right there in the center of your only room, as it is in the hotel, it's pretty irresistible.

I had done pretty well yesterday up until right after nap time. I gave Bear her snack of Hormel meat, cheese, and crackers and turned on iCarly. She turned her nose up at it. So I take. A couple bites to demonstrate it's delicious. Next thing I know, it's all gone...it WAS delicious. So then I try Pringles with her and she likes those. So we eat them together...but I eat most of them and polish off the can.

Upon reflection, I do tend to have food in front of me every time O watch TV or a movie...that's going to changing.

Another danger zone for me is the kitchen. I'm often in there cleaning, doing dishes, or making food for Bear and/or the family and I'm there eating the whole time I'm in there.

If I make a point to change these behaviors, it may help toward my ultimate goal.

May the fourth be with you!

Swift Kick in the Butt

Oh my goodness. I am dying.

I knew it was going to be more difficult to diet when the rest of the family moved out to The Barn, but I really didn't know how weak my will power was until it actually happened. It died. I don't know the exact moment, but I have a feeling it went something like this:

Ooooo! Pie! Cake! Cookies! Candy! Rice! Bread! NOM NOM NOM NOM!

No! Don't do it! Comicon 2013! Fitbit!

I'm sick of you! *pulls out Rory (my shotgun) and shoots willpower point-blank in the face*

And the feasting began. DON'T get me wrong. I am NOT blaming my family by any means. They have been supremely supportive verbally and in action. There are always tons of veggies at every dinner and I can make my own food if there is an unhealthy option. I and ony I am in charge of my breakfasts, lunches, and snacking. This is all on me.

I have gained 14.6 lbs since the lowest point on this WLJ and am getting dangerously close to 200 again.

Now here I am on a 3-week business trip with my hubby where my only cooking appliance will me a microwave and I am sure we'll be eating out tons. I did have the forethought to bring my Wii. I really wanted to bring my Kinect and Xbox360, but Nick didn't think it would survive the flight here.

Action Plan: I may actually be investing in a Fitbit over the next few days despite my complete failure at the simple goal we set for me and I am planning on using Myfitnesspal more often and opening my food diary to the public again. I also plan to try to blog at least 3 times a week for accountability and sanity's sake.

Hopefully I can resurrect willpower with these steps over the next few weeks.

The Fitbit

Whilst shopping at Best Buy with Nick's family the other day, I was looking at exercise goodies.  I've been trying to find a good HRM to track calories burned and such.  I saw they were selling the Body Bugg...to expensive...AND a subscription fee...ick.  Then there was its competitor Bodymedia...same deal.  Then I saw it...this little clip right next to it...

Fitbit...hmm...$99.99!  Not bad...I bet there's a subscription fee, though.

I searched the packaging for more information to find out the online tools are FREE!

Holy carp!  I NEED one of these!

Frantically, I searched the store for my missing hubby.  In ANY other store, it would be EASY to find him.  He's a tall guy and he's generally found in the electronics section of any department store...however, this was Best Buy.  He could literally be ANYWHERE in the store geeking out.  Finally, I found him with the in-dash navigation systems.  While approaching him, I saw that look in his eye.  If I let him speak first, I was going to get an ear-full of technical jargon that I wouldn't understand, so I spoke as I approached him.

"I need this."

*handed him the product*

"What is it?"

"Remember that BodyBugg Courtney was talking about?  It's a competitor for that, only there's NO subscription fee online and it's WAY less expensive."

"How much?"

"$99.99"

"Wow...tell you what.  You get down 10 lbs by the end of January and I'll buy this for you."

"YAY!"

The reason why my goal date has been moved to the first week of February is because my asthma got bad with a cough and my doc put me on prednisone (a steroid) to help my airways clear out.  I was afraid the steroid would make me gain and Nick agreed it wasn't totally fair with that obstacle, so he agreed to extend it out a week.

Also, last night, Nick bought me Your Shape: Fitness Evolved for the Kinect.  I haven't had a chance to try it out yet, but I am going to today.

Finally, I am adding Dance Central to my list of recommendations.  It is SO much fun!  You'll be an hour into it before you realize.  My only caution is that I'm pretty sure it underestimates calories burned.  If you're tracking with Myfitnesspal, I would recommend putting it in as General Dancing.

Nick thinks this should be my closing phrase until ultimate goal date:

May the 4th be with you!