The Potency Of Parental Emotion

There are some things you can't grasp unless you experience them yourself. When I became a mother, when I held Mary in my arms for the first time and looked into her beautiful eyes, I thought I understood a mother's love for her child. It's immediate and overwhelming and wonderful. However, nothing really prepares you for when your child is sick and getting poked with needles in unmentionable places and examined by every doctor, nurse, and their mothers. This has been a long day.

This morning, Bear woke up with a spreading rash on her back. I set an appointment for this afternoon. She didn't really touch her mac n' cheese at lunch, which is odd for her, and took her nap nearly an hour early. When she woke up, she had a fever of 101.4 and she was limp and lethargic. When we got to her appointment, we discovered her temp had gone up, her pulse was 204, and she puked up what little she had to eat and drink. Her PA sent us to the ER at Seattle Children's. In the ER, they took blood (slightly high white blood cell count), examined her, pumped fluids through an IV and took a urine sample in the most painful way. Just when we thought she was improving, she puked again, her temp went back up, and her pulse increased again. They decided to have her admitted so we can figure this out. Everyone is stumped. My little one is now asleep snuggling Bucky the Beaver (Beanie Baby) because she threw up on her lamb.

I wept with her. I felt her pain. I hungered and thirsted along with her. I laid with her on the exam bed. I hated being powerless to help her.

How much more does God love us? Our parental relationship with our children is meant to reflect God's love for us. He weeps with us. He feels our pain. The difference is that He is not powerless. He is omnipotent. He fulfils our hunger and thirst and provides comfort when we need it. If what I've experienced today is at all what God feels for us, we are truly blessed.

On another note, I have a new understanding for parents of ill children. I don't know how you do it day after day; I could barely handle one day. My heart and prayers go out to you tonight.